you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
