I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
