it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
