just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
3 2 1 whiskey
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
