walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
