he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
