i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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