This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
