How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
