I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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