God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
