Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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