he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
