it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
