we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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