That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
