I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
