The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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