I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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