Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
