weddingsv make me drug and hornr
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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