I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who died my cat blue again?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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