you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its not stalking. its research.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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