i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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