let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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