going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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