He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
