What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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