just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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