I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
