could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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