I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
