wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
