Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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