Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
