I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
