I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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