Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
