she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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