I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize