Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
