the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I did not marry a roomba.
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