I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
