My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
