There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
