He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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