k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ladies don't puke and tell
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
