From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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