i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
