someone threw a dead crab at me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
