There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
