do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
