We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
