She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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