I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
