we have officially lost it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
