I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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