i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
