ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
