So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
