theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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