Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
