I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
