I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
