I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
