I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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