fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
