my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
