I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
