you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize